Dil Dhoondta hai....

'Dil dhoondta hai, phir wahi fursat ke raat din
Baithe hue tasavvur-e-jaana kiye hue.....'

Bhupinder was crooning on RadioCity. It was a few days before the IIM Lucknow GD/PI. I had heard this song many times before, but never before could I relate to it better. My heart searches for those days of leisure - 'woh fursat ke raat din'. That I would have a lot of 'fursat' in hand a few days later was my optimistic attempt at self-consolation. The past days had been hectic. In fact, the past year had been hectic. And one hell of a hectic year. I started leafing through the pages of my memory. In search of the time that had flown away..... and left in its wake, an eventful year bursting towards the end. Eventful and hectic, perhaps I have chosen the correct words here. You decide.

March - May

Jaadon ki narm dhoop aur aangan mein letkar....

I can still remember last March and my frustrating efforts at trying to master the intricacies of the English Grammar with the Cambridge English Skill Builder. Ten days of bunking college and studying for TOEFL. Cannot call it hard work but whatever it was, it paid of in the end with a perfect score on the TOEFL. My only regret, this score does not matter at all to the admissions committee, so maybe whatever it was, it did not pay off that well. Then came the painful realization that even though I have postponed my GRE to August, I will still have to study to study for it sometime. But because I ha developed procrastination to a fine art, I didn't have any problems ignoring studying for the GRE.

April came knocking and with it a few shocks as project groups were formed. Class politics does not stop anywhere. I decided even I want to do a project. A new realization also dawned that scoring marks is the way to meaningful life. I also discovered that Ghalib was one of India's most famous poets.

May the great God repeat last may this May. I did something then I have shunned ever since. Studying for the exams. The almost daily guiding sessions with friends helped me remember that I have to pass, maybe also score, this semester. As the exams began, for perhaps the first time in my life, I experienced not regretting not studying in the PL.

June

Aankhon par kheench kar tere Daaman ke saaye ko...

"No vacations this time!". Those were my first thoughts as I read about the upcomig campus placements. I went around collecting interview tips and sifting through the sand for my 'resume'. Being reduced to a single page, didn't help especially help ease mental stress but had to live with it. Shakuntala Devi replaced Dan Brown as the author of the season for most of the crowd. (It seems Infy questions were 'inspired' by that book.) Apparently both TCS and INFY had lots of places for communication-skills-disasters, so I was accepted at both places (inspite of the pitiful interviews whose transcripts I will not blog!). Immediately after my acceptances arrived, I rushed for my internship (If you can call two-three weeks of timepass an internship). The tension of the impending GRE, now less than 45 days away, was gnawing into me. Trudged along to Vashi everday, pitifully trying to mug wordlists, day by day, everyday.

July

Aundhe pade rahe kabhi karvat liye hue

July held lots for me other than July 26th. Intership ends. Full-on GRE mode. Come to terms with the fact that I need to write essays now. Other facts too dawn on me : wordlists really do not matter and the no-logic required b******* they teach in GRE classes (mine was IMFS) is just that. Realize that I have enough potential to score in the GRE as I know the meaning of b*******. Start writing essays in all earnestness. Then comes 26th July, which told me that I can live in stress. Even if only for a day, but I can keep my cool when required. It also told me that Mumbai is not all that bad, after all. I also started reading Ghalib.

August

Ya garmiyon ki raat jo purvaiyan chale...

My essays improved with time. And effort. D-Day came and went. I don't know whether I changed but the world around me sure did. The class next day was a welcome surprise. From being a non-entity, I was directly catapulted to the hall of fame. I remember around 30 people congratulating me in a space two minutes. My 15 seconds (or rather 2 minutes) under the sun. Either these people had no idea how little the GRE score mattered or they were just being good for the sake of it. I suspect the former, as I suffered from the same ignorance. I love double helpings of everything and providence was feeling bountiful. I received my highest score in engineering till now. Nothing that great relatively but still great. Relatively.

The rest of the month was spent adjusting to college and life post-GRE.

(I had my first thoughts about starting a blog when I experienced this month. The details are still etched out in my memory, of my imaginary posts on my imaginary blog.)

September-October

Thandee Safed chadron par jaage der tak...

Early september was spent gloating over the astonished faces of counsellors as I told them my GRE scores. Finally decided I have to start applying and have to 'build' a profile. There are supposed masters of this art in existence. Then there are those who suffer from ethical qualms. But ethics are expendable. Was into 'Ghalib' by now.

I was talked into trying the CAT too. Just to get the feel you know, if the MS stuff does not work out. That would give me sufficient ground to plan for next year. Also appeared for my first Sim-CAT. Didn't even know about what or how many questions does the CAT have. Then I saw my first result. Seriously thought that IMS has goofed up its checking. Also realized one warm sunny day what Nehru meant when he critically analyzed Aurobindo's statement "The pure virgin moment."

Built my profile in October. Did little else. (Profile-building is not an easy exercise you know. This was also the first year I forgot my own birthday while busy in this task.) Was disabused of my notions about the GRE. Also reconsidered my decision to apply for MS for the umpteenth time. Another claim to fame this month. A seventh rank on the 'black list'. But it had more white on it than black I think. Gloated again on reading encouraging replies to my query on the CAT yahoogroup.

November

Taaron ko dekhte rahen chhat par pade hue

A new low for me. Knew nothing except for the subject names for all my vivas. CAT fever rose exponentially. I knew the tables from 1-1o by now. With only 5 days left, 11-20 was not worth it. Learnt the binomial theorem on the last day. Who knows.... CAT day came. It did not go away that easily. I tried finding the perfect answer-key amongst the ones floating around in the inane media-frenzy. Failed miserably and gave up hopes on CAT. CAT went to the dogs (couldn't resist the pun! sorry!). Exams arrived. Studying helped. Friends helped. CAT did not help.

December

Barfeelee sardiyon mein kisi bhi pahad par...

Exams came to an end. I knew I am not going to score well. But just did not care. No time for caring. University deadlines were approaching and my packets were still not ready.
Worked. Worked fast. Worked sloppy. But worked. Mourned the funeral of another so-called vacation. Came to know that the US of A celebrates Christmas in a big way. Most univs are closed and application packets jammed. Stopped reading Ghalib in frustration.

January

Waadi mein Goonjti hui Khamoshiyan sune....

10, 9, 8, 7...... I was fervently counting the number of universities left for applying. Finally this uncompletable task is nearing a finale. My tired eyes were searching for a much needed relief. It was mid-January when I realized that I will be busy wasting this whole semester too. I was just left with two universities when I got the CATcalls. I almost groaned in happiness. Spent the next day trying to locate Kozhikode on the Indian Map. Also remembered I have a project to do. College started like a rickety BEST bus stuck in the first gear. I did not start. CAT results again brought a flurry of congratulations, many through email this time. Someone wished me 'Happy Republic Day'. I started blogging.

The IMS achiever's batches also started. Gloated again on being called an achiever. Realized pretty desperately that something has to be done about the project. Started reading Ghalib's biography. Stopped gloating after an IMS mock interview with Gaurav Sabnis and the 'VJTI guy'.

February

Aankhon mein bheege bheege se lamhe liye hue

Wiped my sweaty forehead. Had a bout of incomprehension the first time I started reading ET. Realized I will have to miss the industrial visit. Mourned it. Also spent time inventing curses for IIM Lucknow. Finished reading Ghalib's biography. Was desperate for a change of atmosphere. Started attending college.

The interview process started. I thought I am the lost one. Dawned on me that I am simply a lost one. Battled the deprivation of exclusivity. Also received the lowest percentage of my life in the penultimate semester (it happened right when my IIM K interview was on). Had a few enoyable moments at IITB. Tried to emulate those everywhere.

March

Dil dhoondta hai....

Bhupinder was repeating his lines now, lines of Gulzar inspired from a ghazal of Ghalib. All said and done there was nothing more he could say. As for me, I was waiting, searching.

The Present

The class was enjoying Rajasthani deserts and the invisible tigers of Ranthambore while I mulled over Chidambram's budget. But this would end. It would end on 18th of March with IIM I over. Then I can start being me again. The tribulations shall cease. The celebrations will begin. Life will be fun. The world will be stress-free. I will enjoy the final semester to the hilt. While I was engrossed in my Utopian dreams, 18th came. I enjoyed the next day, a Sunday, still dreaming of the fursat ke din ahead.

I went to college frothing with joy and drooling with hope the next day. After the customary 'How did the interview go?' questions, the barrage started.

'Arre Monday ko PE ka assignment submit karna hai'

'Robotics ka journal market mein aa gaya hai'

'Tera DCN likhke hua?'

'Next week mostly class test hai. Mecha kitna likhna hai kuchh maloom hai kya?'

'Yaar project vivas next month hain. Kitna khatam hua hai?'

I started writing. There was no time for waiting or searching. There was no time. The only thing I could remember was, 'Dil dhoondta hai phir wahi fursat ke....'

Guesswork does not work (at IIM Indore) - Part II

Recap: (Refer the previous post) I go to Vashi for my IIM I GD/PI in a miserable condition. The GD is relatively good coz it was equally miserable for everyone except one guy. Waiting outside for the PI to start. Random numbers being called in....

......my impatient friend was imploring me to beg the panelists to take me in. I was dissuading him from encouraging me towards such drastic steps when I sensed the presence of P1 in the waiting room.

P1: “Ankur Saraf”
Me: “Yes Sir”

Followed him to the sanctum sanctorum, the interview room which I had left 3 hours ago, just after the GD. My eyes were brimming with nostalgia on being reminded of this peaceful, Gandhian gd. But I controlled myself somehow.

Me: “Good morning Sir” (To both of them)

P1: “Please hand me your certificates”.
Me: “Sure Sir” (Handed over the ‘certificate’ file with a grand total of two certificates)

Me waiting. No questions for 20 seconds. Me smiling and staring. P1, P2 reading.

P1 suddenly realizes that in an interview, they are supposed to ask questions. He sort of nudges P2 (Like saying, “Arre I don’t know what to ask him, you start. I want to do a doctorate on his two certificates.”)

P2:(In a tired tone) “So what does your father do?"
Me: Repeated same old answer. Since he just asked this question to gain time, he didn’t listen that carefully. Carried on for about a minute.

P2 suddenly sees my hobbies page and does everything short of jumping with excitement. (which for an IIM prof. is a wry smile). With this also starts my extensive exercise in grave-digging. (Warning: No useful information ahead. Read further only for the purpose of entertainment.)

P2: “So you like listening to ghazals?"
Me: (F***, he knows what ghazals are? Mar gaye yaar! Band baja dega! Arre sir, just above that I have written reading books. Please read that.) “Yes”

P2: “Name all the ghazal lyricists that you know."
Me: (its high time I started screwing up my case, and I do not disappoint myself) “Gulzar, Hasrat Mohani, Daag Dehlvi, then Ghulam Ali Sahab writes his ghazals, even Mehndi Hassan writes his ghazals…”

P2 (surprised) : “Mehndi Hassan writes ghazals? Are you sure”
Me (pretty happily) : “Yes!” (have dug a 2 feet deep grave by now)
P2 : (I gave you one chance. Now don’t blame me.) “Name one ghazal which Mehndi Hassan has written.”
Me: (Abey yaar, woh sahib aisi urdu mein gaate hain ki padhne sunne ka waqt hi nahi milta) “I don’t listen to Mehndi Hassan but I have read on an online forum that he has written some of his ghazals” (6 feet deep now)

(Let me clarify a bit here. Mehndi Hassan and even Ghulam Ali are basically trained classical vocalists and do not write ghazals. What I had actually read was that they had composed some of their work. What they had actually done was compose music. I didn’t know that during the interview.)

P2 : “Have you ever heard of Javed Akhtar?"
Me: “Yes. He is one of the most famous lyricists of Bollywood.” Take a stupid pause of 1 second. “If you want to think of other ghazal lyricists, then there’s Ghalib, Faiz….”

P2: “Tell me about the writing style of XYZ."
Me: (Never heard that name. A bit shocked)”Sir, I have no idea”

P2: “You have heard the name or you have not even heard the name?”
Me: “I have not heard the name.” Thought lets clear all the muck up. Otherwise I will only move into deeper shit. “Actually, I started listening to ghazals only about an year ago. I was introduced to this through the internet. I usually go to online forums to get recommendations about which albums are good and then go and get those. I usually listen to Jagjit Singh and my favourite album is Mirza Ghalib. I have gone and read many of Ghalib’s ghazals on the internet as well as listened to other recitations of his ghazals.” (Forgot to mention the main thing that holds attraction for me here, the structure of the ghazal. With that I also lost an opportunity to steer the PI towards safer waters.)

P2: “What is the organization concerned with preserving Ghalib’s heritage?”
Me: “I don’t know”

P2: “What was Ghalib’s full name?” (The condition’s real bad now, he is asking me names!!)
Me: “Mirza Assdullah Beg Khan. Some people say its just Mirza Assadullah Khan as Beg was the name of his father.”

P2: “What language did Ghalib write in?”
Me: “He thought Persian is a better language compared to Urdu, so his early writings are in Persian. But in his times, no one understood Persian, so he turned to Urdu. His most famous work, the Diwan-e-Ghalib is in Urdu. But Ghalib always believed that Persian is superior.”

P2: “So what was the time he wrote all this? Which period?”
Me: (Thinking about whether it was early or late nineteenth century) “The nineteenth century”

P2: “What is the lane where Ghalib lived in Delhi called?”
Me: (Arre Sir! I have not yet completed my Phd. on Ghalib. Will inform you when I do that) “I don’t know.”

P2: “I asked that because it’s near a very famous monument”
Me: “Actually I have read a book on Ghalib and it does not mention any great monument in his lane. So I have no idea.”

P2: “Tell me universities which have their names based on a religion.”
Me: “Banaras Hindu University and Aligarh Muslim University. Then there’s also Maharishi Veda University in the US but not too sure about that. However, I am sure about Banaras Hindu University and Aligarh Muslim…”

P2: “Where is Aligarh?”
Me: “In UP”

P2: “Varanasi is also in UP. Tell which which river flows through both these cities?”
Me: (Cursing my lack of foresight while studying geography at school, I venture with a guess) “The Ganges”

P2: (in a playful mood since my Mehndi Hassan answer, is smiling) “ Are you sure? Is it not the Yamuna?”
Me: (Geography shud really be made compulsory reading in college!! Accept my guesswork) “I am not sure. I took a guess. But I still think it’s not the Yamuna but the Ganges. You see Varanasi is a place where it’s considered holy to get cremated for the Hindus, and it’s also considered holy for you to immerse the ashes in the Ganges, so…”

P2: (Guesswork!! Let’s see how far it can take you?) “From where does the Ganges start?”
Me: (still left with a trace of bravado, I am trying to recollect where Gangotri is situated, UP or Uttaranchal) “The starting point is called as Gangotri.” Stop here like a dumb idiot

P2: “And where does it end?”
Me: (having utilized all my risk taking capabilities by now) “ I don’t know.”

P2: (He is really enjoying himself by now) “Arre take a guess. Any guess.”
Me: (Thinking about how geography can be included the already heavy engineering syllabus) “If I take a guess, I am not sure, but think it would be that it goes through West Bengal and then meets the Bramhaputra and then goes through that big delta.”

P2 is apparently satisfied that he’s tried and tested all my guesswork skills. He starts giving me a smile, as if I have just made a big joke. I think he was thinking, “How did this idiot get such a CAT Score?” Now he has his answers. Indicates to P1 that he is over and done now. P1 has also finished admiring my two certificates by now.

(Now starts the acads part. And for once, I think I did not do that bad. Reason being, all acads asked were out of syllabus ;-) )

P1: “Ankur you must have seen tubelights. (No I haven’t. I prepared for CAT in moonlight! That’s how I became a lunatic!!) Now new tubelights have come up which have no chokes. How do you think a tubelight can work without a choke?”
Me: (Control the urge to shout out of syllabus. I am also thinking that chokes have probably choked themselves out of existence. What else do you expect with such a suicidal name?) “A choke is necessary to provide the initial high voltage to start the tubelight. So all tubelights would need a choke. We cannot make a tubelight without a choke.” (Bright answer that, seems I have started with my coffin)

P1: “But chokeless tubelights exist. So as an engineer how do you analyze it?”
Me: (Me – engineer – Thank you sir!) “They may have made the choke small and must have hidden it somewhere. Behind the tube, on the sides, maybe even inside the tube. The choke cannot be done away with.”

P1: “It cannot be inside the tube. The tubes are the same as normal tubes.”
Me: “Actually I have only seen one advertisement of chokeless tubelights. That was a long time ago. But I would still say, they manage placing the choke out of sight rather than totally removing it.”

P1: (smiles slightly) “Tell me how fuzzy logic is used in washing machines?"
Me: (I know of fuzzy logic. It rings a bell. My logic is always fuzzy-wuzzy. But it’s used in washing machines! That’s news!) “I do not know the answer. Fuzzy logic is not part of our formal curriculum (finally blurted that out) but I would still like to think (better word for guess) of how it would be used. (P1 encourages me here to go on with the all the b******t I had in mind.) In the conventional digital logic we have only two levels 0 and 1. Fuzzy logic defines levels between the 0 and 1. So here I think the complexity of the circuit would increase but the no. of bits required would decrease. There would be better computation. It’s used in microchips in the washing machine.” (By this time I knew I cannot even guess properly, was smiling all the while as I answered)

P1: (Gave a spontaneous smile. And he really smiled. It was not one of those artificial inhibited ones but a full-fledged from the heart smile at my feeble attempts in reconciling fuzzy logic with washing machines.) “Let me give you a hint. It’s also used in refrigerators. Try to think of something”
Me: (refrigerators, washing machines, what are they? I live in the technical Stone Age. Questions should be scrapped as being discrimatory towards disadvantaged applicants.) “Sir, actually the only thing I know about fuzzy logic is a one line definition on the internet. So maybe its used for defining different levels where multiple levels are used. Like you can have different levels of washing or temperature in a refrigerator.”

P1: “Ok. What would happen if I leave the refrigerator door open.”
Me: (The rich fool who does dat deserves a fat electricity bill!! And he should buy everything from me. I wouldn’t need to go to an IIM to earn money then) “It would put a lot of load on the compressor. A refrigerator has this whole system with the coolant being used to take heat from the inside to the outside the refrigerator, transfer the heat energy. The load of maintaining the temperature falls on the compressor. So the life of the compressor will decrease.”

P1: (thinks a bit.) “That is right. What else will happen?”
Me: (stare stupidly while contemplating if I should reveal the get-rich-quick plan his question inspired)

P1: “what happens to the temperature… of the room?”
Me: (Great. Where do you think I have come from? Kindergarten. No one will say its gets cooler!!) “Sir, as I said before, the coolant only transfers heat from the inside of the refrigerator to the outside, so the effective temperature will remain the same. Maybe temperature just outside the refrigerator door will decrease but nothing else will happen!”

(Again a bit of clarification. I very confidently gave the wrong answer here. The temperature of the room increases due to heat produced from the compressor’s working. And this is supposed to be a famous question. And there I was…. thinking of kindergarten questions)

P1: “How do air coolers work? How do they cool the room?”
Me: (assuming air coolers is air conditioners) “It’s the same principle as the refrigerator. Only here the coolant transfers the heat to outside the room. So the room becomes cooler. It takes in air, cools it and then gives it back in.”

P1: “The cooler works this way? It only gives air out. Does not take it in.” (He has a puzzled look on his face.)
Me: (tubelight jali. Remembered the coolers I had seen in Rajasthan at age 5, when life was cool) “By coolers, do we mean air conditioners?”

P1, P2 shake their head in unision.
Me: “Then are those the coolers found in Rajasthan?”

P2: (Cautiously) “What kind of coolers do they use in Rajasthan?”
Me: “The ones with the straw mats drenched in water and a fan behind the straw mat.”

P1,P2 both nod in unision. “Yes that’s it.”
Me: (Thinking furiously as to how they work.Want to figure it out at any damn cost.) “Sir, I was very small when I had seen those. They have pretty dry summers over there and so this provides some humidity” (Dimag mein ek ghanti baji… Continue without breaking the flow..) “and when the water evaporates, it takes some heat with it. So the room gets cooler.”

(Got it right this time. P1 was satisfied.)

P1: “And how do air-conditioners work?”
Me: (Happy at getting a repeat question. Harped again about coolant, air going in hot and coming out cool funda.) “…… So it transfers the heat from inside to outside the room.”

P1: “That’s why you have that thing jutting out of air-coditioned rooms.”
Me: (So you came to know how I guessed this one! Big deal!) “Yes, that is the reason.”

P1: “In a cpu, you have different circuits requiring different supply voltages and only one main power supply. You have seen the inside of the cpu, right? Like you have the ram, the….” (started thinking… I was happy I am not the only one at a loss for words)
Me: “Like the fan, the hard disk, the microchip..”

P1: (continues) “Yes yes, so how do we provide different voltage supplies for all these different voltage levels with the one incoming supply.”
Me: (Sir, I am not electrician, as you said I am an electronics engineer. Why don’t you come to GSM/CDMA, AM/FM, TRAI and the rest of the things?) “We can use a rectifier and a voltage-shifter to provide all the different voltages.”

P1: (Didn’t understand me) “How will this take care of different voltages?”
Me: “See, we can use a rectifier for converting ac to dc and then the voltage shifter to shift dc levels. That way all voltages can be provided for.”

P1: (He is smiling again. But this smile is merely an amused one, not like the spontaneous one he gave earlier) “Have you ever seen this circuit inside the CPU?”
Me: (smiling again..) “No Sir. In fact, I don’t know how it’s actually done. I was just thinking of one way in which we can do it.”

P1: (He was apparently enjoying a display of my guessing skills.) “Tell me what would happen if a chip receives more than the maximum voltage specified.”
Me: (Again thinking furiously, time for some creative guesswork, I guess) “With the voltage, the current inside the chip would increase. So, the power dissipated would increase and the chip would burn out.” (Not quite satisfied with this, both P1 and me, so I start guessing again) “And the transistors in a chip are placed in such a way that electrons do not cross over from one area to another. But with high voltage the electromagnetic forces (sometimes I surprise even myself!!) become stronger with electrons jumping across regions and this will lead to chip malfunction” (Wah! Wah! Kya thoka hai! No one would think this is an IIM interview going on.)

P1: (Looking towards P2 for implicit approval) “Thank you Ankur. And best of luck.”
Me: “Thank you”

Now you would think I would be happy that this ordeal came to an end, but I was mighty disappointed. There was a plate full of biscuits infront of the panelists and the biscuits outside were over. So I was more of expecting a “Thank you and please have a biscuit”. But this didn’t happen and I was getting up, pretty dejected.

P2 : (kind of sensing my dejection, pointed towards the biscuit plate.) “Please..”
Me: (I was so goddamn happy. I gave a big spontaneous smile and picked up a cream biscuit, of the two present.) “Thank you!”

This sorta of woke P2 up. He returned the smile and I started with the biscuit as soon as my back was towards them. Even before I left the room.

Guesswork does not work (at IIM Indore) - Part I

(The following is a record of my IIM Indore GD/PI process held on the 18th of march, 9.00 am, Vashi, Mumbai)

The final day, the final interview. Waste efforts on brushing up acads upto 3 in the morning. Wake up before the sun rises (5.30 am), travel early morning to Vashi (And 6.30 is really early by any standards, not just Ankur Standard Time). Breakfast at home. Breakfast again at Vashi. Result: A sleep deprieved IIM Indore interview with a bad case of stomach ache and an impending danger of flatulance. Couple that with a power failure at the Vashi Centre and you will have a faint idea of what my condition was like. However, flatulance is certainly something I am not afraid of. I can always try farting my way through in an interview, like I tried in this one. It stank.

Reached the Vashi Centre at 8.30 am, a rather non-descript building of IICM going under the pseudonym of UTIICM. Found a guy from my college and also the IIT fellow I met during the IIM K process. We had nice time chatting about previous interview experiences and trying to ignore the conspicuous absence of electricity. After passing some quite ‘hot’ and ‘dark’ moments waiting for the process to start, I dared visit the loo (to adjust my tie infront of the mirror you idiot!!) and found it enlightened….. oops!! lighted with emergency lights. Anyways, the panelists then took the brave decision of starting the process at 9.15 ‘in the dark’. (There should be some deep metaphorical meaning in there. Tell me when you find it. My guess is: they feared having to skip lunch). So, at 9.15 am a panelist came out to count if any lucky bakra was to escape slaughter today. To his quite apparent delight, everyone was present. He went back happily. A minute later another panelist came in (the techie guy – lets call him P1 for convenience sake). 8 names were called out. I was 5^th and the IIT guy was 6^th (Finally, a known face in the group)

Another panelist (P2 – the ghazal lover) indicated each fellow’s seat and then sat down on his own. After everyone was settled P1 continued, “Please switch off your mobile phones (One guy had actually forgotten to do so!! Imagine a phone going ‘Dhoom Dhoom’ in the middle of the GD, would have been real fun). Keep everything except for a pen and your forms below your seat. We will distribute a case. You have a time of 5 minutes to study it. Then you will be asked to discuss it. After a discussion of about fifteen minutes, you will be instructed to stop and write a summary on the last page of your application form. Note that you are to write a summary of the discussion and not a summary of the case. (I cannot believe people can be this dumb!) Also note that you will be given instructions on when to start and stop. You will explicitly asked to do so (That’s to deter the smartasses!)”

We were given a page long case here. Covered with a rough sheet.

P1: “You can start reading the case now.”

All the eight guys started fervently. It was huge case with no particulars. Reading the whole case took about 4 mins. Points escaped me. Just noted down 2-3 vague points. Prayed that the IITB case-study scenario does not repeat. (For all my liking of philosophy, I do not really enjoy the disinterested viewpoint in a GD).

Guess what? My prayers were answered!! P1 gave us a signal to start and everyone did. No one had any idea of what to say. Everyone was ‘pointless’, to put it succinctly. There was only one instance, mark it, only one instance when more than one person seriously tried to say something. (Everyone had read their history books properly here. The Gandhian philosophy of non-violence had obviously had a deep impact on each soul.) Everyone was waiting for others to speak. As for my contribution, I sort of summarized each point when the discussion on that point was over and others happily nodded their heads. (I was nearly saved here. The power failure decided to end while the GD was on and I was in half a mind to shout ‘Yayyy’ like I did in school. However, better sense prevailed and the group was spared the trauma.) Only one original contribution from my side and that the group did not pick up. There was one guy, a doctor, who contributed some substantial points on the basis of which we managed to go on for 12 minutes. All of us did a lot of head nodding and agreeing in the GD. Total contrast with IITB. People were sensible here and the foot in mouth disease was absent. Around 12 minutes later, with all points exhausted, there was an eerie silence of about half a second. After that, the only female suggested that we summarize. (Smart girl!) The doctor started summarizing, “We can summarize the discussion as….”

P1(suddenly waking up): “Please start writing the summary.”

I had noted all points discussed and managed to write a point-wise summary of 6 points within 3 minutes.

P1: “Everyone stop now. Stop NOW. Now please attach the attested photocopies of your marksheets with the form. Also attach your admit card. ”

He collected the marksheets from everyone.

P1: “You will be called in for your interview in a few minutes. Please remain in the waiting room.”

I started waiting. I revised my form, my favourite books, studied the day’s newspaper, quizzed a friend about previous interviews and then decided that IIM I people are sadists. Yes, they are sadists. They called in people randomly for the interview. So the guy who is called in second last (like me) cannot do anything. And then to rub it all in, they serve biscuits, which I cannot take for fear that I will be called in while I am eating one (Now, I can sort of understand the logic behind calling us to Vashi – Sadism, pure and unadulterated). As the person after person went in and came out, I knew I was gonna be nailed. Acads. And the commonwealth games. That’s what they were interested in. My grave was dug. But little did I know that I need not depend on these. Grave-digging, especially of my own self is a core competency for which I don’t need to depend on the commonwealth games. I spent around half an hour mourning the fate of my yet-to-take-place interview. Then I decided, my stomach ache is more important and diverted all my attention towards it. But attention helps not, a belly in pain. I suffered in silence. I also cursed the IIM I fellows but this is no place to explore the minutiae of my verbal creativity.

The doctor and I were the only fellows left outside. And my impatient friend (he was done with his interview) was imploring me to beg the panelists to take me in. I was dissuading him from encouraging me towards such drastic steps when I sensed the presence of P1 in the waiting room.

P1: “Ankur Saraf”

Me: “Yes Sir”

(Will continue with the PI experiences tomorrow, no time to type now. Btw, I have really learnt the soap opera ending technique, so you can expect more of this.)

Part II continues here. A serious collection of do-not-try-at-home-without-adult-supervision kind of stunts.

It's a race no one can win!

A new Saturday! A new weekend! Boring morning! 'Crash'ed afternoon. Saw crash at Glamour. And it is quite glamourous, only 40 seats, the Jana Gana Mana playing and a guy washed in alcohol sitting (read stinking) next to you. Anyhow, managed to go through the movie. It does not give opinions, only presents some incidents peppered with layers of meaning. Will not move into a review here. Others can do the job better. But I will certainly venture an opinion on why 'it' happens. (Yah! Like it matters - It does not but then little else does)

The grand reason is, the world is not much different than me. In fact they started copying me even before I was born, so that ‘racism’ could exist. And what do they copy from me? My love for laziness. My preference for simplicity. My hatred for complexity and chaos. I don’t know anything about the future and I hate that too. (Come to see, I hate a lot of other things including clean cupboards and good marksheets but this is no time for that.) The whole point is that the world is not full of people who can handle the complexity and chaos. We all love order and we arrange for it. Think about the classification of the animal kingdom and of the plant kingdom that we learnt in school. There are kingdoms, phyla, classes, orders, genera, species etc. etc. and all this somehow presents an order. So now when I see Magnifera Indica, I only have to look at its classification and I am presented with a list of its salient characteristics. That’s called order! I have no time for fighting chaos and discovering all the salient characteristics myself. And this does not stop at plants or animals for that matter. Every little thing is classified: from rocks and soil to demons, from slopes to extra-solar planets, from volcanic eruptions to........ people.

Yes, we also classify people. We do not have the time or the inclination to evaluate each on his own merits. So like magnifera indica tells me of its salient characteristics, being a black, white, brown, yellow tells me about the persons characteristics. Stereotypes are the convenience of an ordinary mind. (I would like to say lazy but when the whole world is lazy, laziness is ordinary.) Being such a lazy species, homo sapiens, while institutionalizing other classifications, have never been pretty good with human stereotypes, so they use class, color, religion and everything else in the sun for an ad-hoc classification. And are they always false? No. Most of the times, they are right. So the probability that a car thief is black, is more. But the problems arise when the generalizations are imposed on an individual. Its not a problem if you believe most terrorists are Muslims but it certainly becomes a problem when you see every Muslim as a terrorist. Can we move away from imposing generalizations on individuals? It is difficult but possible, I think. But will it happen? Yes, because as a community, humankind has the ability to analyze its actions.

Let me take the example of Hitler. I literally love that guy. I absolutely adore him! No, I am not one of the neo-Nazis and I don't know anything about his economic policies. Niether did I enjoy his cheap imitation of the Charlie-Chaplin moustache. What I adore Hitler for is that he brought hatred to its logical end. What he brought to fore were the racial prejudices inherent in our society. The world did not start hating Jews when Hitler was born. Anti-semitism has a long history. (Think Shakespeare's representation of Shylock) It was also widely practised in the land of the free, even in College admissions. Like 'Jews and dogs not allowed' in Hitler's Germany, 'Indians and dogs not allowed' was a frequently seen sign in British India too. But the Brits did not indulge in institutionalizing mass-murder. Hitler's actions caused the world to curb overt racial discrimination and even make it illegal. While Britain was fighting for democracy, it could not justify its occupation of India. The idea of free, fair, equal, non-racist gained great momentum because of Hitler's actions and we all owe him that much. The whole point is that while everyday racism is in our blood, we still balk at Hitler-style mass murder, like most on the early-day anti-semitic Europe and America. Humankind can understand if it has gone wrong somewhere.

But I digress to much from the topic at hand, so let me list the reasons why I believe racism will end one day:

1) We all know racism is bad (Thank you Hitler!). So we all try to avoid it. Period.

2) Globalization leads to homogeneity. As societies progress and start depending on each other, differences will iron out over time. Same people go well together.

3) Intermingling will lead to contact. Till I don't know anything about the 'other', there's apprehension. A Muslim friend put all doubts in my mind to rest about all Muslims being terrorists. So as we mingle more and understand each other, we stop categorizing. Hopefully.

That's it for today.

(Did you notice the fact that I love 3-point programs? Especially after the IIML interview. But I also love long pointless rants, so it offsets everything.)

Racism as defined by skin color also exists in India today. But it is more a baggage of our lack of confidence as a nation rather than discriminatory categorizing. More on it tommorrow.

Its just a matter of passing away!

Warning: The content below may venture into minutely detailed graphic discussions and is recommended only for a mature audience. (And for the guys who are encouraged by the 'mature audience' part, sorry, no naked girls involved here!!) On an afterthought, it might also hurt some religious feelings.

I have been to a few social events. We have all been. There's the crowd of the 100 people. Groups of people standing together, phone numbers being exchanged, introductions being made, the budget being discussed. But there was a difference here, all of this was being done albeit in remarkably hushed tones. After all someone had just 'passed away'. Yup, that's right! All of these people had collected at one of the most remarkable social functions of all time. To celebrate death, to perform the last samskara of a human being's life (or the end of it). It seemed sorta hypocritical to me! Hey guys! Someone's just died. So stand aloof in philosophical agony!! Why the hell are you still immersed in the mundanity of life?

But then, I revised my opinions. After all if 100 people come together what do you expect them to do? Discuss the current topic? Discuss the horrors of death and love of life. I could almost imagine a conversation:

"You know my uncle, he had an accident, guts all spilled out on the road!! It was so gross!!"

"Woh to kuchh bhi nahi hai, my uncle toh....."

Before my imagination could complete this sentence, I decided the budget was infinitely better. Perhaps, we make an effort to collect a hundred people to ascertain mundanity. To walk away the gruesome reality that confronts us. Truly, this once you are alive, and then, you are dead! Dead! Kaput! Like the impromptu disappearing act of a magician's show! Only difference being you can never reappear like the magician on the show! And the 'you' suddenly turns into 'the body'. Ever noticed that? How everyone calls it a body, and does not name it by name. That certainly tells you something has changed quite dramatically. And we are so afraid of it, we don't even call it death. So, what's permanent becomes temporary! Like say passed away: It has that nice soothing effect of saying that the person has gone to a nearby paan shop and would return anytime now. Also evidence the 'kick the bucket' and closer home the 'tapak gaya', the colloquial rebellion finds its own escape from the grim reality.

(On a lighter note, if one exists, I find it very difficult to cry at such times. Especially when someone is mentions 'swargawasi' (heaven bound). I mean, Hey! hell is facing such a shortage of souls. I cannot remember anyone actually going there. And then there's the always the 'Ye kyun chale gaye?' (Why did s/he have to go?) which brings me to the question 'Why? Would it rather be you?')

But what about those who cannot run away. Like the guy in the crematorium, whose job is to adjust the 'bodies' on the funeral pyre. Or the fellow who sees to it that the whole pyre burns without much smoke. I read somewhere that human beings need humour for survival. Be it the workplace, the home, the marriage, the classroom, humour marks our very existence. I for once, would certainly be interested in the crematorium worker's humour. I mean what do joke about? 'Hey! You know that fat guy! He wanted to burn fat the whole of his life!', 'Arre! rain spoiled the day for that old lady!'. What do those people talk to their wives about? 'Honey! I burnt 6 bodies today! I feel so satisfied!'. And I shudder to think of it when they talk about job challenges. What a life!!

But perhaps living in the vicinity of death makes it mundane for them. Like doctors are immune to the sight of blood. Perhaps this is a sort of blessing in disguise which takes away the fear and awe that the 'end' inspires. You see, we are all afraid actually. In any community, the old are always more pious than the young. While this may have many reasons, one is certainly the imminent end of life. While the young age looks forward to life and freedom, gray haired wisdom is confronted by a death staring in the face. And when you think about it, you also think why take chances? I mean ok, you don't believe in heaven and hell. But, with whatever teeny-weeny chance it has, what if it turns out to be right? It would be a pretty clumsy afterlife, and the worst thing to hear would be, 'I told you so!'. So better try to wash off all the 'sins' while there's still time, just in case........

Again, it also proves that God does not exist. While everyone may argue that 'death' proves the existence of omnipotence, I stand firmly against it. Otherwise, why do people cry? Why isn't it considered as the ordinary business of life. Infact, why isn't it looked forward too. Think heaven, think advaita, think of 'panchatatva vileena' , think 'being one with the gods'...... We all know its false. That's why. It's all a load of balderdash we have created to comfort ourselves..... that's all I can think of. I see no one quite willing and happy to die. Hey! If it were all true, if heaven really has the kind of hoors or apsaras, a lot of men would die (pun intended) to go there. If I were really pious, I would spend my life preparing and raring to die. Life would be nothing but one big celebration in the welcome of death. So, yes death in a way proves our inherent disbelief in God.

But would I want anyone to cry when I die? Nopes! Simply because, all said and done, I do not realize where life ends and death begins. Though the brain dead can live on life-support systems, no one really thinks of them as living. No one calls them 'a body' too. So, they don't have life but are not dead too. Come to think of it, I am drawn to the fact that there is some inherent 'consciousness' which we call life. Its not the ability to walk or to talk but knowing when and how to talk and when and how to walk. Its the feeling that comes when you have really 'understood' something. It is something associated and enmeshed with thought. I know its vague, but I have only felt it and am remarkably poor of words at describing it. So, if life is thought, its about thinking, its about ideas. (Surely, its not about the body. The body is still there when I die, so why still call it 'the body'?) If life is about consciousness and about ideas, then no one can die. For ideas transform, change, pass on, enervate, rejuvenate but ideas never die. And all us participate in this amorphous world of thought, of consciuosness. Our existence is that tweak, that wrinke in this formless nebula! Bigger tweaks are in the form of the Buddha and smaller ones are like you and me. So, it all fits in. It's my concept of the Advaita, of being one with the Bramha. Because form does not matter, its just a device to bring about that tweak. Collective consciousness is something that lives on, forever. So, I am immortal and I celebrate my immortality.......

(Yes! So I am escapist!! Kill me for it! I never claimed sainthood anyways!)

Below 500 grams? Use Indian Post - Compulsorily

"Arre aap chinta mat karo! main courier kar deta hoon, shaam tak pahonch jayega" (Don't you worry! I will courier it, it will reach you by the evening).

I had to collect my transcripts from Sathaye College and had asked a friend staying nearby to do so. I needed those immediately and was apprehensive and he was reassuring me about the efficiency of the courier service. And sure enough the envelopes reached me by 5.00, the same day. Now imagine if this service had not been there. The only option would have been to physically go and collect the envelopes from my friend. In the process wasting both time and money. From then on, I have used this service a lot of times: for sending mundane things like notes or books (the lighter ones).

Everyday lakhs of people in the cities use the courier service: for cheques, magazines, invitations, orders, receipts and everything else that requires assured and easy delivery. At about twice the price of the normal post, you get assured delivery within a day all over the city. As for the local post office, it is already understaffed and cannot deal with the volume of letters, delaying letters by weeks.

'The Indian Postal Act -1898' - is an archaic law, more than a century old. This Act gives an exclusive right to the Department of Post to carry letters. However, private couriers are allowed to carry documents. What differentiates letters and documents? To say pretty frankly, nothing objective. So, the courier companies use this ambiguity to their advantage, classifying anything and everything as a document. Are the people happy? You bet!! Except this group of happy and satisfied people excludes our law-abiding (at convenience) babus and ministers. I can almost imagine the smug face of a beauraucrat when he dug up a copy of this law while cleaning the basement. 'Aha! A solution to all our problems! For a change, lets follow the law, lets even tinker with it for our benefit!!' I can imagine the minister gloating when he hears of this bright flash, 'Haha! So the below 500 grams postal market is all ours!!' This is about all the thought that must have gone on in making this declaration.

Therein lies the problem. For while the world thinks of progess, the state looks towards the dictatorial powers vested in the executive to forward it's (politician's) business interests. Where it should encourage business, it creates protectionist environments to revel in monopoly. Where its role should be regulatory and facilitatory, it is invasionary and promotes irregularity. Where it should nurture competition and reward efficiency, it tries to get rid of the competition and is oblivious to the word 'efficiency'. Where it should take up the minimum duties and look forward to performing them well, it decides to everything itself and ends up doing a very clumsy job of it. And all this in the name of 'helping the poor', 'promoting social equality', 'rural development' et al. I almost throw up now when I hear of these reasons, especially from our policy makers.

Lets see who will be affected if the Act is passed this budget session:
- People like me and you who need to transfer documents urgently
- Weekly, monthly magazines that use couriers
- People sending applications, letters abroad
- Bills, cheques that are regularly passed on through courier
- Invitations that need to reach out with surety within a time limit
- The current postal structure, it cannot deal with the business it already has

In short, everyone. What the current courier system has done, is actually realize the potential of this business. Deals are made on mobiles and payments & orders pass through couriers. The example in the first paragraph that I had given is increased business. If this Act passes, the government will not earn more revenue it will only decrease business. This will start a new process of litigation, each side searching for loopholes. Even if the govt. wins at the end of the day, it would not be able to stifle this business lifeline. In a throwback to the license Raj days, it will carry on, illegally. The only poor to be helped would be our 'poor' babus and politicians. If it is not allowed to carry on (even illegally), it will discourage business and only create more problems.

Lets get this fact clear in our minds people. Good business is good for the poor too, in the short term and vastly better in the long term. It is good for the society in general. Development is not a zero sum game and the earlier we recognize it, the better. An argument that money earned in cities would be used in villages holds no water. Cross-subsidizing is one bright idea that does not work, as seen in the telecom sector. If there are inefficiencies in the system, like holes in a boat, plugs like the courier companies will come up. If you remove these plugs, the boat is only going to sink. The best option is to repair the boat. But to think about this would require a mental strain of five minutes and the mental ability of a five year old which our policy makers very seriously lack.

Lucknow is not conventional.......

Times change and with it change people, cities, societies. The city of Lucknow is the middle of such a change, or so believes India Today. Got a first hand experience of this change today, through IIM Lucknow. No standard questions. No Why MBA? Why low acads? What strengths, weakness? Best of all NO ACADS. No general awareness too....... 'What the hell did they ask you then!!?' Read on. Maybe you can enlighten me to their motives. (I think I displayed my disregard for analytical skills with an unparalleled flourish, also gave practical demostrations of the foot in mouth disease)

Time management is not a strong point with me but I am proud to say that I reached a full half hour early before the GD/PI process. And on finding all seats occupied in the waiting lounge, spent my time in contemplations on the architecture of the Catering College (and why they couldn't have added more seats). At exactly 2.00, we were called to the first floor, Panel III. The exact same room where the GD/PI process of Kozhikode had taken place. Talking of coincidences, I was the third guy this time on too. There were a total of nine people (1 fellow was absent).

The GD topic was on 'The cost of living is going up and the chance of living is going down'. Had to write a 10 minute essay presenting our perspectives. Didn't write that good an essay. Mentioned customary platitudes that such a subject is likely to evoke. What we want from life and should better manage it etc. etc. Then the GD started. The discussion was not all that great. Tried entering 3-4 times but was cut down. Coincidentally 4-5 people started speaking everytime I started. Finally shouted out my point that the family structure is breaking down and the society is changing. This is causing psychological problems. Then as people were speaking of how we are suffering from technology, I brought in the point that life has improved if you consider the past 500 years. Also said later on that expectations too have increased so you may say demands on life have also increased. Final entry was reasonably good. People were converging to the point of the disparities that existed in the society, unequal and inefficient utilization of resources etc. Then I chipped in with my final comment, "What we can agree on is that to end all these disparities we need better management. As the motto of IIM Lucknow goes, "Suprabandhe Rashtra Samriddhi" meaning with better management towards a better nation. I think with better management at different levels, we can move towards a better individual, a better nation and a better society." Noise levels in the GD were high. There was no structure and no outcome. Pretty platitude heavy - with love, compassion, concern for the poor and even Maslow's heirarchy making cameo appearances. (Note to self: Keep soundbites ready for your neo-liberal arguments. 1000 word essays do not a GD make.) GD ended and they asked the guy who spoke least to summarize.

Then we moved on the interview stage. Refusing to learn anything from the IITB experience, I had not prepared acads even this time on. So, the time outside was spent dreaming about how they are going to fry/roast me? (But they did nothing of that sort; only baked me) Let me divide the interview into three parts.

Part I: Carry on Son. We are here to listen.

"Mr. Saraf ", that was Panelist 1 (the older goody goody guy) calling out my name.
Thoughtfully closed the door and went and took a seat.
"Good afternoon Sir", repeated 2 times for both the panelists.
"Can I have your certificates?", that was P2 (the younger I-want-to-stress-you-out-but-still cannot-fake-an-expression guy)
Handed over the certificates.
P1 :"Did you close the door?"
Me:"Yes sir"
P1: "So, Mr. Saraf, tell us something about yourself."
Me: (Went on with the usual directionless born in Bombay, first engr in family, like reading, ghazals etc.)
P1: "Who is your favourite ghazal singer?"
Me: (Arre yaar, books pooch naa)"Jagjit Singh"
P2: "Don't you think he is a bit too populist?"
Me: "You can call him populist sir but then his words are simple and when I try listening to a Mehndi Hasan or a Ghulam Ali, I am often not able to understand their ghazals."
P1: "Which is your favourite ghazal?"
Me: (suddenly forgot all about the Ghalib ghazals I had prepared for) "Woh Kagaz ki kashti, Woh baarish ka paani"
P1: "What is it about? Why do you like it?"
Me:" It's about nostalgia, the carefree childhood days. I have myself lived in a joint family and played with the kagaz ki kashti in the baarish ka paani. So I can identify with it."
P1: "So what is a ghazal?"
Me:"It emerges from Persian. The literally meaning is talking to a woman. A ghazal is one of the most structured forms of poetry. It's older than the sonnet"
P1:"So what is this structure all about?"
Me: Explained the structure though could not remember all the Urdu words but think I was able to convey the meaning.
P1:"Does anything similar exist in Hindi, along these lines?"
Me: "(Duh!) A ghazal is not specific to a language Sir. You just need to follow the rules. The Aga Khan has written ghazals in English. Many of Jagjit Singh's ghazals can be classified as Hindi ghazals."
P1: "Ok! So its language independent."
P2: (Has gone through the certificates by now) "What is Kornovian equilibrium?"
Me: (Oh my God! Electronics is so very mysterious. I didn't even know this existed.) "I have no idea Sir."
P2: "But it says you have a certificate for Game Theory. You should know about it. It's basic."
Me: "Sir, that was not a theoretical event but involved practical negotiations." Tried explaining the event but they were not interested.
P2: "Can you tell me about Prisoner's Dilemma?"
Me:(IITB kuchh to kaam aaya!!) Explained. Better than in IITB this time. Both nodded their heads
P2: "What is Catch 22?"
Me: Explained the situation as given in Joseph Heller's book. About Yossarin's Dilemma where whatever he does, he will have to fight as a pilot. He cannot run away from it.
P2: "Why is it 22. What's the exact definition?"
Me: "Sir, I think 22 is an arbitrary number. Throughout the book, the catch is not defined as such. It's only mysteriously mentioned that there's the catch-22"
P2: "So you never tried finding out why its 22?"
Me: "Sir, I searched on internet forums, dicussed with friends, relatives, No one seemed to know this." (Guys, mad as I may be, I had actually done all this. No one really knows why the Catch is Catch -22) P2 thought I was bluffing as I would have done in his place.
P2: "Have you ever faced a Catch-22 situation in your life?"
Me: (Thought a bit) "No Sir. In life, I have always had the opportunity to take my decisions which have affected my future. I did not face a case where my decision or action did not matter."
P2: "Let me give you a situation. Suppose your interview is over and you go out of this room. As you go down you see a student very secretively taking something from a lab and hiding it in his shirt. The way he is acting you think he is stealing something. What will you do about it?"
Me: "Sir I will approach him and try to strike up a conversation. I will ask him about the college and wat they do in the lab (and I think I said vagere vagere in Hindi at this point in time). During the course of the conversation, I will ask him what do you use that thing you put in your shirt for? Maybe he will get the message or give me a reason for what he was doing."
P2: "No. He is in a hurry and you do not have time for a conversation."
Me: "Then I will not go about in a long winded way. Maybe directly ask him wat is he carrying and how does he use it in the lab."
P2: "There's no time for that too. And you don't know whether he is actually stealing. You ony suspect it."
Me: "If he is rushing and I cannot reach him, I will alert a nearby guard to what I saw. My responsibility ends there then. It may be a possibility that his professor has sent him to get something in the middle of the lecture. The thing is of glass and he just kept it in his shirt for better protection. That would also explain his hurry. I cannot shout and blame anyone without being sure of it."

They seemed satisfied with this answer.


Part 2: Do you even know what analytical means?

P1: "From when have you been living in Mumbai?"
Me: (a bit proudly) "I was born and brought up here. I have lived here all the 21 years of my life."
P1: "Okay! So supposing you want to make Mumbai clean like say Singapore. So suggest a scheme to the muncipal council. Make it point wise. Give a three point program."
Me: (Shocked. Nervous. Don't wat to speak but still want to do something) "Sir what we can do is involve college students in cleanliness drives in their localities. Help spread awareness."
P2: (Bacche aaj pakad liya tujhe. But I am a vegetarian, isliye khaoonga nahi, keval pakaoonga.)
"Don't you think it is very cliched. Once in two-three years they clean their college and everything goes back to the same from day 2. What's the use of the whole exercise?"
Me: "Sir, I disagree with this fact. It can be very effective. We had Thadomal Shahani students monitoring Bandra station and collecting fines. It worked there. So students can be part of the implementation process."
P2: "S0 studies are not important. All you want to do is make students waste time."
Me: "I think studies can go on with these kind of actvities. We can make it voluntary too. The government can also give the students certificates or even some monetary compensation."
P2: "So all the rowdy people will come in then. You will encourage such people"
Me: Was at a loss for words. Kept quiet for around 1 second.
P1: "I am surprised you directly started with the program. You did not analyze the problem. Why didn't you do that?"
Me: "Sir my mistake. Let me do that now. " (still at a loss for words. Brain not working.)
P1: "Ok. Carry on."
Me: "Sir there is the problem of garbage segregation, garbage collection and disposal... (I know its irrelevant but that's all that came to my mind at that time)"
P1: (Yaar paka mat, I asked you to analyze not give me gas) After giving me a strange look. "Lets start by with the definition of cleanliness."
Me: (Mar gaya yaar! The only thing that came to my mind was 'Cleanliness is next to Godliness.' Somehow avoided saying that. Hemmed..... hawed, fumbled but finally something came out.) "We can say it's absence of unwanted and unpolluting substances."
P1: "Unwanted AND polluting or Unwanted OR polluting ?"
Me: (demonstrating a remarkably impervious brain) "AND"
P2: "There are so many things that are not polluting but unwanted. Take paper. Spittle of paan. So even if these are there, can you say its clean?"
Me: (Tried smiling) "You can maybe call it visual pollution. A paan spittle does not look that good. The aesthetic effect goes away."
(Both give me a look saying don't give us such sad answers yaar.)
P2: "So you can have kitchen waste. Paper. Biodegradable. "
Me: "When it degrades, the microrganisms will spread diseases and all. But I think we can remove the polluting part and keep with only the unwanted part"
P2: "So the beggar on the street has built a house on the pavement. It is not good to look at. So that fellow is unwanted. Should we throw him out?"
Me: "That is entirely another problem. We can say an unwanted thing. There's a difference between a human being and a thing."
P2: "So the pavement dweller is ok, but his hutment and his belongings are not ok? What are you trying to say?"
Me: "I believe we are mixing two things here. Sum dwellers is a different problem altogether."
P1: (Senses I am cornered and nervous and this is going nowhere.) "Leave all this. Come back to the original three point programme."
Me: (relieved) " first point is include students for awareness. Secondly, implement the fines that you have put in place. Thirdly, create facilities for collection, put dustbins on all roadsides. It a person wants to spit or throw a banana peel, he should have a place to throw it. Even if after this people do not follow the law, punish the offenders."
P1:"You know of any city that became clean overnight."
Me:"I do not know of any city that became clean overnight. But I have heard the case of T Chandrashekhar."
P1: Nodding "Yes, Thane."
Me: "Yes. I did not go to personally see it but heard from a lot of people that it has become very clean. It won the cleanest city award. Also the same with Nagpur. This shows that if there is beauracratic will, political will, cities can be cleaned. It can happen."

End of Part 2.
I was very nervous and fumbling through the whole thing. Did not know what to do or say. To quip, "Vaat lag gayi. Unhone ghumaya aur hum ghoom gaye." Plus P2 had this very fake I-am-so-stern look which he was not able to carry off. Didn't know what to make of it.

Part 3: Good shot! That directly hit your foot!

P1: "What do you think is the future of the steel industry in India?" (I had mentioned that my father is into steel trading)
Me: "I think the future is very bright with consumption increasing as the ecomony grows."
P1: "But the demand from China has gone down. So the market has actually gone down."
Me: "Sir India is developing and growing. This growth will be sustainable only with growth in infrastructure like roads and buildings. The infrastructure spending has been increased in the present budget. For this, steel is required. Also as manufacturing sector grows, we will require steel for making machines. So, in the long-term the future for the industry looks good but in the short term, yes I agree with you that its gone down with the demand from China."

P2: "What is your college famous for?"
Me: (My college is famous?!?!?) "Ours was the fourth engineering college to be established in the city. It's very old and has a very good brand name. It has one of the largest campuses in Mumbai University. Also, if you see building area, we have one of the largest. We have excellent faculty with excellent resources. (Even Yudhishtra had to say 'Asvatthaama Hathmaya")"
P2: "You really think any college is famous because of labs and infrastructure? A college is famous because of its alumni. People remember the alumni and the college. Name some famous alumni of your college."
Me: (Abey mar daala yaar!! My mind started searching for alumni frantically, didn't remember anything. I had been searching the net for the past two days on SPCE and had seen the name of only one alumni. Guess who? Shefali Zariwala. And a nervous mind doesn't think twice. Proceeded to shoot myself in the foot) Smiled. "Well Sir, I can recall one alumni by name but she is not famous because of engineering - Shefali Zariwala"

(They did not respond. Probably did not know who she was - woh hua toh achha hai.)

Me: (contd... now with a straight face) "SPCE has had its students, year after year, entering the IIMs and getting into the best Universities in the United States. We have had our alumni excelling in their careers but I cannot recall any particular name as of now."

P1 and P2: "Thank you Ankur."

As is the rule, everyone gheraoed me after I was outside. P2 came outside and called the fourth guy in. The fellow went in but P2 kept looking outside. Then addressed me and gave a smile for the first time "You are done naa?"

Me: (Big smile) "Yes sir!"

The Indian Postal Act 1898

Didn't know it existed before I read this. After reading, I am speechless. Will comment on Tuesday by which time I will have to regain speech for IIML.

The Blank Noise Project

Eve-teasing is a word that's unique to India. And my knowledge of this subject ends here. I didn't know how common it was till I visited The Blank Noise Project. They are protesting against steet harassment and have declared a blog-a-thon for 7th March. However, since 7th March is the day I will mourn my IIML interview I decided to post this here and now. Since I don't have any great ideas or experiences (thankfully), here's directly you to something that those 'female' amongst us have to go through.

Excerpt from knownturf.blogspot.com

Some things, you learn to expect, growing up a girl.

You expect to confront harrassment as surely as the sun in May and the fog in a Delhi December.

When you leave the house, an invisible snake of alert suspicion will wind down from your shoulders down your back and become a clenched fist in all public spaces, through all journeys.

How optimistic you're feeling about man-kind, on any given day, determines whether you take a bus home, or just hop into an auto, or a cab, knowing you cannot really afford it. If you really cannot afford an auto some day, you will not take the bus at rush-hour.
You'll let bus after bus after bus go past. Waiting is tiresome. But waiting is easier than bristling.

You didn't always expect to do this, of course. One learns these things, by and by.

I recommend reading the whole article. Cannot decide after reading whether to feel happy or sad? Happy because I am 'lucky' enough to be male or sad because I had to add the lucky part.
Eve-teasing is not only a word that's unique to India. It's also gruesome. Added that to my knowledge base today.

Geometris Obscuritism

"I am starting a new religion of 'geometris obscuritism'. The circle, ellipse, parabola, hyperbola are my Gods in whose doomsday powers I hold my belief. Depiction of these in any form hurts my feelings and signifies malicious intent. I sincerely request all publishers of higher secondary textbooks to immediately stop publishing these. Henceforth, students will have to do with imagining these figures without the diagrams part. In an agreeable afterthought, they can join my protest and extend it to any analysis of their Gods. Infact, I would further consider the word 'conics' to be spiteful invective against the revered ones. I would also request the Government of India to ban all books with disgraceful depictions of the venerable ones, in the spirit of inclusive secularism. Minority protection is a supreme responsibility and what better minority than one which has only one follower. I would also request all heads of state to disassociate themselves with publishers who proceed to spread this vile invective against my peaceful religion. My religion is the most peaceful on earth but if these mischievous elements are not controlled it may lead to desperate measures. My religion may have a shortage of followers right now but in wake of my protests, I expect large numbers of higher secondary students who share my emotions to join the protests."


When I had first heard of the Jyllands-Posten cartoons and the resulting uproar ( it was still not frontpage news then) , the first thoughts that had come to my mind were a way to liberate all high school students from the tyranny of geometry. I had suffered at its hands and didn't want it inflicted on other unprepared souls (Only goes to show my spirit of disinterested altruism). What I found is that I am not the first wiseguy around and there have been various joke religions doing the rounds. Prominent amongst these are the The Invisible Pink Unicorn and the Flying Spaghetti Monster (However none of these have the disinterested altruism part - so my joke religion kicks their joke religion's ass ;p).

Disclaimer:
These were only the first of my thoughts on the issue. They have evolved since then. Perhaps I will document those on another day.

Education is Business III contd....

Previously:

Education is Business - I

Education is Business - II

Education is Business - III

I got one more question, not from a friend but from someone who perhaps has not seen the way Indian education works. Don't know whether you have thought about it but I used to think about it a lot in FE and SE and the answer was a foregone conclusion. Anyhow, spelling it out in clear words for those who aren't acquainted with India. (For those who know it all, don't laugh..... remember the days in school when you too thought like this)

7) "The Indian education system is famous throughout the world. We have produced winners who have succeeded in foreign lands. It's your lack of initiative that's actually to blame. The system might not be that good but then you too are not the best student. Your actions while assigning culpability only indicate an escapist attitude."

My answer:

(After I stop laughing.) Why is our education system famous? The biggest reason I believe is the few people who come out as winners. These guys have succeeded against all odds. They have succeeded inspite of the system rather than because of it. Infact they are so good, that they usually rush abroad. Having gone through the trying circumstances of their graduate years, they can now win anywhere. They usually win here too. And when all the people from one country start winning, people in the host country have to find some reason for their success. 'Hey! This guy is smart and I am dumb' is not the most palatable of reasons. So they settle for the second best reason, 'He received excellent education. No wonder he is a success.'

I salute those who can come up inspite of the odds but it does not say a lot about the system. We need to look at the general output, not at the exceptions, and this is where we face disappointment. The question as I see it seeks to base itself on exceptions. Now, how do I define exceptions? (They are the guys who make it big as said in the previous para) To use layman language they are CS engineers who do not need training when they enter a Infosys/Wipro/TCS. Google does not train its engineers (entry level training like Infy etc.) and also does not hire many from India. The very fact that the Infy HR manager says, 'Courses you are studying are not industry relevant. So we do not test you for technical knowledge. We believe we can train you in that part if you have the basic aptitude.' is enough to put me to shame. The general output here needs the training.

About the personal initiative part, I believe this question blames students. So are they to blame? Yes, partly. But let me give you an analogy. The people for whom you have to write code are idiots. What do you do? Whine about how your customers are idiots or write idiot-proof code? What I seek to prove is that like in any other business, you cannot put the whole blame on the customer's shoulder. You have to mould yourself according to the customer.

Another point is that the students here are not exactly idiots. Many Indians after they visit the US become exceptionally better equipped with technical knowledge. The CS engineer learns more in his job training of a few months than he does in the four years of engineering. In a stimulating environment even the below average Indian student can perform. This tells me that the fault is not entirely of students.

When a system does not work and when we have proof staring us in the face let's not still live in a fool's paradise. That's escapist as far as I know the definition of the word.


CONCLUDED

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Digressing from the topic, my brother has just given me a certificate: No 1 time waster who has got no other work and sits warming his butt writing long usless blog posts.

He also intends to give a certificate to the person who has read the whole Education is Business 'series' on my blog: NO 2 time waster who has got no other work and sits warming his butt reading long useless blog posts.

Any contenders?

Education is Business - III

Previously:
Education is Business - I
Education is Business - II

Why education shouldn't be business? I have had the opportunity to discuss this with a few friends and received fairly the same set of questions from everyone. I have tried to present my argument as to why it is already a business and why we should think seriously about educational reforms? Dunno if it made any converts. Here are the questions with the my reasoning presented in the answers.

1) The most common question of all, the most typical question which will make proud all our 'red' friends is 'Education is about equal opportunities. The system as it stands today provides equal opportunities. However, 'capitation fees' (as the Hon. Supreme Court prefers calling it) will slowly make fees so high, that no poor person will be able to afford it.' There are many variations but the gist is the same.

My answer :

I classify this as a pro-poor argument. So far, so good. But like all pro-poor, well intentioned communist arguments, it is idealistic and hardly translates into reality. Those who suffer the most in the end are the poor. What we need to recognize here is that there will be the rich and there will be the poor, and the rich will pay their way through for better facilities. I know that's going to ruffle a lot feathers but it has been so throughout history and it will be so in the future too. Altruism is always a responsibility of the next-door neighbour.

Let me take an analogy, any communist v/s capitalist one will do but my favourite is healthcare. So, there should be equal facilities. Hmm.... Why have private hospitals? We all know the really poor cannot afford it. It's the rich who benefit in the end, so abolish all the private hospitals. Let everyone live with the pathetic facilities of public hospitals. In fact, if you are all for equity, stop visiting your general practitioner. Go to a government hospital and meet the non-existent doctor there. Not a very comfortable idea, is it? Even if it were done, you would still find the rich enjoying most of the the doctor's attention. I hope I don't need to specify the reasons. If you still don't get the point let me spell it out. Socialism seeks to achieve equality for all, the rich as well as the poor. What it claims to do is give the facilities available to the rich to everyone. What happens in reality is that it gives everyone only the facilities available to the poor. So instead of making everyone rich, it seeks to make everyone poor. What it achieves in the end is only 'equal distribution of poverty'.

The hidden hand of Adam Smith comes into play everywhere. Lets see how it seeks to equalize demand-supply for education. The answer consists of two words: Coaching Classes. Though they never adverize it like this, I can imagine a Coaching Class ad ' Unsatisfied with the incomplete education you receive? Tired of the ignorant teachers and impractical lectures? Join our classes. Get value for your money.' What classes do is provide what the market wants, and they charge a premium for it. Does it pay? You bet! It's one of the most lucrative businesses presently with the turnover of major classes easily running into crores. Small coaching classes are turning up at every nukkad and chauraha. They also pay better and so attract better faculty. Does it mean I support the concept of coaching classes? No. They make a perversion of education by aiming on marks rather than on knowledge, but then if you depend on the traditional system, it niether gives you marks, nor knowledge. What the coaching classes tell me is that people are ready to pay for better education and that the present system as it stands is inequitable.

In case you love statistics, do this. In your class, find the top ten rankers, and then compare their average family income with the average family income of the class. Find the average income of people lets say a class in an IIM and a JBIMS. Or compare the income levels of the top 200 rankers in any competitive exam with the ranks from the 10000-10,200 (or the middle 200). See the results for yourself. Then think about the equity of the present system.

Also, with time we can have scholarships for the really brilliant without money. More on that in the next question.

2) 'You have no empathy yaar. I mean, at least the poor guy has a chance here. And only money will talk in the private colleges. Utter duds with bulging pockets will get in.'

My answer:

So you feel utter duds with bulging pockets aren't getting in now? Consider this rough transcript of a discussion between a prospective student and an MU engg college. This is true and the intention of the caller was just a simple enquiry.

Caller (C) : 'Hello. Is this XYZ institute of Technology.'
Engg College(EC): ' Yes'

C : 'Can I know when you release the forms for the leftover seats after the government round?'
EC: 'There's no round after the government round. You can come in through the govt. round or the management round.' Pauses. 'There's also another way. You can take a donation seat.'

C : (a bit surprised) 'What's a donation seat??'
EC: 'You will have to a give donation for that seat (duh!) '
C : 'How much?'
EC: 'Come to our office. We can discuss that.'

This was without any influence, any contacts. As the saying goes, '2 number ka dhanda bhi ekdum imaandaari se karte hain'. People who are undergoing the admission process can give you a rate list of the price of a seat in each college. It runs from 3 lakhs to even 10 lakhs. If a college comes up for the sole purpose of earning money, will it not sell seats? Yes it will! But it will not sell all the seats. It cannot for the sole purpose that building a brand name will require talented raw material. In fact, the fees taken from the 'bulging pocket' duds can be used to finance the education of the no-money-but-lots-of-brain guys. So in effect, yes seats will be sold but opportunities will also increase for the brainy guys.

Another thing is the government can continue charging low fees in its own institutions. It can continue its work at its own pace. I am not asking Mumbai University to increase its fees but what I am asking for, is permission for another autonomous university which can come up and work for profits and charge the fees it deems fit. Private and public institutions can co-exist.


3) 'Will people pay for education? Is there a market that is ready to pay a premium ?'

My answer :

People are ready to pay for classes, here and now. Also there are those who pay under the table. ( Refer the previous answers.)

The number of Indian students currently in the US of A is 74,000 and it's increasing year on year exponentially. Most of these guys have some cash in their pocket and are ready to shell it out for better education. Yes, the 'land of opportunity' attraction is there but most of these would agree to study in India if they get similar facilities at 1/8th to 1/10th of the price. Plus there is that lot that can pay 1/8th to 1/10th of the price but not the price for the US. Others might want to study in India and do not opt for the US of A. People are ready to pay if they see returns at the end of the tunnel and good education seems to be the key to a secure future (at least in public perception).

Another fact is, the market as it stands today, has no competition. A student is Mumbai has no options except for Mumbai University. Give people the power of choice. Give people the options and you will find them making intelligent decisions.

So yes, there is a market. There is need to recognize it and tap it.

(An agreeable side effect would be reduced brain drain. It might even enourage brain gain from Africa, Latin America, Middle East. That will give the country more soft power but that it entirely another issue.)

4) 'What about our tradition? The gurus in our ancient times were never mad after money. We are going against our tradition/culture.'

My answer:

Yes we had a great culture some thousands of years ago. No one was supposed to be mad after money at that time. However, times have changed. Having a desire and finding legitimate means to fulfill it is neither illegal nor against tradition. We live in a market-based society and we need to recognize that. If we do not do that, what we get is the present education system. Change is inevitable. Adapt.

5) 'This will only encourage the fly-by-night operators. Thousands of unsuspecting students will me made a dupe of. Whatever, it is, atleast the present system does not play with their careers.'

My answer :

This is where the government should come in. Give a rating to all colleges. Set up an autonomous body with prominent people from the industry for that purpose. Act as a facilitator. Provide people with the information. Even then if someone wants to join that college, its her/his choice.

Again, taking the healthcare analogy, if there are quacks existing in the society, you do not ban private practitioners.

6)' I don't agree with you. What if it does not work?'

My answer :

The present system gives a raw deal to everyone involved. Its forcing charity down the throat of a market. What if it does not work? First of all, I don't think it will not work. If at all it does not work, worse that will happen is that we revert to the present system. Public and private universities can exist side by side and if it does not work, the private universities will shut shop. End of the story.

However, if it does work, imagine the possibilities. Education is one the most important and one the least recognized components of infrastructure that India needs to invest in for a confident future. We might have the world looking to us for educational opportunities. We can attract the best Africans and South Americans like America attracts the best Indians and Chinese today. From brain drain to brain gain. Just think about it.

I think the least we can do is try it out. The present system is not working anyways.

Next:
Education is Business - III contd..